what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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