i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
