i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
