TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
