So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
