why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
