So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
