I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
