No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
