Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
