You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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