I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
it wasn't lemon gatorade
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
