I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
