I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
