You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
