So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
