Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
