Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
