Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
