So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
