but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
