pop tarts are not kleenex
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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