420 ftw
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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