Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
