WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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