if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
