I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
