He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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