Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
