dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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