Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
