Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
