Whod you bang
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
