woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
