trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
