There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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