Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
