"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
