he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
