dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
