but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
