Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
