If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
this boner is exhausting
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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