After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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