I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
