last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Who died my cat blue again?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
