i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
