Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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