Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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