Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Randomize
