i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
