he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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