There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
