I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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