that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
