he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
