Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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