It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
