I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
